Staying home to focus on raising children, becoming the wife God meant for me to be in my marriage, and learning and growing in my spiritual journey. This has been very difficult to accept at time in this season. I am constantly tested and tempted to leave this position and give up on the long-suffering job that I have been given at this time in my life. I want to change my generational curses, and habits. I want to change my children’s future and mine through work and healing and guidance from God. My goals are ever growing and evolving as I learn how to do what God has taught me.
So as a girl who has had a tough childhood and a lot of self inflicted pain through young adulthood, I have had to refocus and learn how to find the path that God has lit for me. I have been so distracted through earlier life by temptations and spirits of fear, self doubt, hate and lies from satan about who I am and who I am going to be.
A modern housewife and mother, I crave a simpler and more traditional time in history. I’ve always been that way. Admiring old traditions and high cultures. However, as I am a very strong willed and independent women it has taken me time and intention to learn some of the past culture of a good mother and housewife. I do not mean that I have given up my strength but rather refocused it in areas of success in my relationship with my husband and my children. I have not lowered my own station but rather raised my husbands to be the knight that I wish him to be. He is already a quiet man, and even a bit sacrificial so I have made it a goal in our marriage to lift him up and encourage his place in a leadership role, and king of our home. I always say to those who listen, how can I require him to treat me like a queen if I do not treat him like a king. So I have made it a goal and intention to learn what that means. To find a healthy relationship where he is my king, and he desires to treat me like his queen. Being sacrificial is an admirable character that he has, but I could have taken advantage of this and been a domineering wife, who is in charge. But that is not what I want. I want a man who is sacrificial and yet also strong, loving, and keeps me grounded and feeling safe. I have struggled to find that balance.
The way I grew up I learned nothing of respect for the opposite sex, and nothing of roles in a relationship. It was all supposed to be equal in every way. The problem I find with this is that I get saddle with a lot more than I want if it is so called equal. I have to do things I do not want nor do well. So as I grew and learned what true balance and equality in a relationship was, I learned that a good role for one women is not always the best for another. We all have strengths and especially in relationships we tend to find those who balance our weaknesses. This is why I believe opposites attract. Our God ordained purposes in a relationship are not the same for everyone in everyday, but I do believe there is a sort of template. That is to say, I believe a man is meant to be a servant leader, and a women is supposed to be a helper lover, these are taken from a wonderful book we read called “Rocking the Roles: Building a win-win marriage” Honestly out of many books we’ve read this explained a biblical marriage the best. We are not supposed to be what the modern marriage is, and we are not meant to be the old fashioned black and white television husband and wife either. Rather God designed it somewhere in the middle.
We’ve struggled in our beginning as do most, and we’ve had our share of mistakes as well. But as the strong willed girl I am I do not give up easily and I do not let a fall keep me from getting back up. If anything it motivates and challenges me to work harder to prove I can achieve what God wants me to be and wants us to have.