Finding the right outlet in God’s timing

As an ambitious and free spirit I find that I must find time for myself and my creative outlet as a full time mom and housewife.  I devote so much of my time to my home and my children, that I need a break for myself to indulge in me time, as well as a creative outlet to allow expressive and enjoyment of my own.  Not to say I do not enjoy being with my children all day, and spending time with my husband at night; but I know if I do not take some time for me I will be spent too often and loose my enjoyment and even sometimes my cool with my family.

I am blessed to have a husband who is very helpful around the home and understands my need for me time, so he encourages me to take time for myself to have a break from the house as for me, my battery recharges from energy extravert activities.  I am not naturally a homebody, but he is, so we end up spending a large majority of our time at home spending time together.  We still go out just not as often as I used to both because we have children and also to save money for more important fun.

Sometimes that means we go on vacations, and sometimes that means I go out for a visit with a girlfriend over drinks and dinner, or coffee.  He encourages me to take little day trips to a faraway city to go shopping and get my city fill, since we live in a small city and I need a little bit of the bustle each season.

I am and always have been an artist at heart and spent many hours as a single or child creating art.  If I could have or had been encouraged to pursue it more I would have.  I am now able to do it when I have time, or when my husband helps me make time to pursue art outside of home, such as performing.  Spending a large portion of my childhood in performing arts and singing it was and still is a passion of mine.

I’ve spent time as a housewife indulging some of my art at home such as painting, drawing and culinary arts but I wished to continue and missed performing as well.  So volunteering with the children’s Sunday school I led children praise on Sunday mornings for a bit in our last location.  It was very rewarding and I loved seeing their little faces light up.

So recently after a 10 year hiatus I auditioned and got the part in a play at our local dinner theater.  So in the midst of a play, though it is very hard work, I enjoyed every minute of it.  I feel as though I am able to still do something I love and be the kind of mother I want to be as well as who I feel my children need at this stage of life.  My husband is supportive and asks me about it to show me he cares about my interest, and for this I am thankful.  Which has resulted in another opportunity to because I was asked by a co-star who is starting his own preforming arts co., to be in his first show as one of the actors dropped out.

Lately writing and acting have been my outlets for creativity that I have been able to work into this season of littles.  I do with there were more opportunity for acting but I do recognize that God always puts me where I need to be in order to grow and mature in the ways I need to for future success.

Moving with the change of the waves.

The holidays have passed and vacations are over so back to normal life as it would be. The new year seems to have come so fast this year, and I find that each year around this time I look toward the end of the winter and school and it seems so far off.  Since this year we’ve decided to homeschool again, and next year our twelve year old will be going to middle school and returning to the school that she previously attended and I am quite looking forward to it.  I think it will be a little easier to focus my time and divide it between the daily to do list and my four year old son, whom I will be working with to harness his will and teach to have self control and obedience.  Not that I do not have that task now, just that it is much harder to put more focus on the task when I have my other daughter who occasionally still needs me as well.  I must be one of those parents that just simply cannot herd a large brood of children or manage a ton because I find that I feel too stretched with two children as it is.  I guess thats why I am glad we did not have more than two.  I find that just simply finding the time to tidy up or get a shower in competes with the attention seeking children and often they win.  If I cannot manage to get my four year old to play with his toys alone I begrudgingly put him on a cartoon so that I can get an hour window to accomplish something on the list.  If I have errands to go take care of out of the house I often times just have him in tow with me and consolidate them into one day rather than multiple days, therefore I am out of the house for a while.  Thus the life of a full time mom of a pre-schooler.  He works on ABCmouse and for some game/learning time in the mornings usually before lunch.  This I’ve found is a great resource for teaching some basics and incorporating education into games.  I was a preschool teacher in my younger years and I find that the program is very similar to what I used to do with children of this age when I was teaching.  I still teach him some of the academics but I’ve been using this program now to do more academics and I spend more time one on one teaching character, self-control, manners, and basic life skills.  I love to get involved with the ABCmouse with him, and he is always showing me the projects he is working on, since I’m in the same room working on other things as well supervising him.  With my daughter she was in part time preschool while I went to college.

Its been a little hectic this winter, and being in a smaller temporary home makes it more difficult than usual.  We are a mobile family and this year last two years have been the more than usual. With moving to another state and not even seeing the home we would be moving into; we then realized that though it was a nice rental home, it was much more than we needed and more than I could handle to take care of by myself.  So we moved into a smaller townhouse.  This also became an issue as we were outgrowing it and cramped.  So once again we have been looking for a new home to reside in until our next PCS.  After a lot of prayer and looking, we’ve finally found what I think will be out next abode.  A new construction that is right in the process ready for us to choose textiles and so we put in an offer and it was accepted.  This will be our first new home and first building experience as well.  However it seems we have already got a good deal on the plan, and frame; plus our realtor is going to be with us through the process to help.  So though we will be looking at our third move in three years, I think it will be a good choice for we’ve learned a lot along the way and prayer has shown us this is meant to be.

There is always some sort of challenge along the way with our life, and it stretches us and helps us to grow.  Whether it be moving, husbands job, or children and their growth and developmental process; it seems we do not normally have a quiet life, therefore I find it forces us to create a more simple and quite day to day life.  I do however believe that these things are blessings. “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” ~James 1:2-4

Semi homemaker

I take this seriously, because I am a homemaker and I admit my lack of qualification for the stereotype.  I love having a clean home, but I have struggled with tidiness most of my life.  Thankfully my husband is a very tidy person, and helps a bunch with that side of the housekeeping.  We are a match for sure in this respect because I will do the dirty work of deep cleaning that no one generally notices, and he is the tidy-uper. I have a bit of vanity in my appearance to others. Although I have admitted that it is very true to say if I focus on looking fabulous, my house gets very little attention.  I admit this is a little selfish, but my husband knows that I care a great deal about cleanliness,  as well as my looks.  I am not so vain that I will not go out without my hair and makeup done, however I will not go out to dinner or on a date without being dolled up.  Especially now, as a mid thirties lady, I’d like to be a little bit of a milf. Plus if I make my husband feel proud to have me and confident in having me by his side when others look my way it does a lot for my self-esteem.  I do not want to have a lack of self-esteem, but it is something that I have struggled with and so doing these things do help me to feel a little better about myself.  Especially because he prefers the natural me anyway.

A story of marriage adventure

Staying home to focus on raising children, becoming the wife God meant for me to be in my marriage, and learning and growing in my spiritual journey.  This has been very difficult to accept at time in this season. I am constantly tested and tempted to leave this position and give up on the long-suffering job that I have been given at this time in my life.  I want to change my generational curses, and habits.  I want to change my children’s future and mine through work and healing and guidance from God.  My goals are ever growing and evolving as I learn how to do what God has taught me.

So as a girl who has had a tough childhood and a lot of self inflicted pain through young adulthood, I have had to refocus and learn how to find the path that God has lit for me.  I have been so distracted through earlier life by temptations and spirits of fear, self doubt, hate and lies from satan about who I am and who I am going to be.

A modern housewife and mother, I crave a simpler and more traditional time in history.  I’ve always been that way.  Admiring old traditions and high cultures.  However, as I am a very strong willed and independent women it has taken me time and intention to learn some of the past culture of a good mother and housewife.  I do not mean that I have given up my strength but rather refocused it in areas of success in my relationship with my husband and my children.  I have not lowered my own station but rather raised my husbands to be the knight that I wish him to be.  He is already a quiet man, and even a bit sacrificial so I have made it a goal in our marriage to lift him up and encourage his place in a leadership role, and king of our home.  I always say to those who listen, how can I require him to treat me like a queen if I do not treat him like a king. So I have made it a goal and intention to learn what that means.  To find a healthy relationship where he is my king, and he desires to treat me like his queen. Being sacrificial is an admirable character that he has, but I could have taken advantage of this and been a domineering wife, who is in charge.  But that is not what I want.  I want a man who is sacrificial and yet also strong, loving, and  keeps me grounded and feeling safe.  I have struggled to find that balance.

The way I grew up I learned nothing of respect for the opposite sex, and nothing of roles in a relationship.  It was all supposed to be equal in every way.  The problem I find with this is that I get saddle with a lot more than I want if it is so called equal.  I have to do things I do not want nor do well.  So as I grew and learned what true balance and equality in a relationship was, I learned that a good role for one women is not always the best for another.  We all have strengths and especially in relationships we tend to find those who balance our weaknesses.  This is why I believe opposites attract.  Our God ordained purposes in a relationship are not the same for everyone in everyday, but I do believe there is a sort of template. That is to say, I believe a man is meant to be a servant leader, and a women is supposed to be a helper lover, these are taken from a wonderful book we read called “Rocking the Roles: Building a win-win marriage”  Honestly out of many books we’ve read this explained a biblical marriage the best.  We are not supposed to be what the modern marriage is, and we are not meant to be the old fashioned black and white television husband and wife either.  Rather God designed it somewhere in the middle.

We’ve struggled in our beginning as do most, and we’ve had our share of mistakes as well.  But as the strong willed girl I am I do not give up easily and I do not let a fall keep me from getting back up.  If anything it motivates and challenges me to work harder to prove I can achieve what God wants me to be and wants us to have.